Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Postal 3, Notsomuch...

Article first published as Review: Postal 3, Notsomuch... on Technorati.




I admit it, Running with Scissors' previous installments of the Postal series amused my inner 12 year old sociopath.  Game mechanics were never a priority in the series as basic functions like movement and combat were little more than exercises in futility.  Postal games are popular for their context not their execution.  To play a Postal game is to revel in an assault on societal hypocrisy and popular culture.

What made the series amusing were the seemingly endless one-liners and not so subtle social commentary.  Admittedly, however, if you're the type who never misses an episode of the 700 club it's likely you wouldn't see the humor. 

So it was with this relatively low expectation that I took advantage of a Steam sale and picked up the latest installment, Postal 3, for $19.99 or half of its original December 2011 release price.  I knew the experience would be awash in juvenile humor and over to top violence.  Still, I held out hope that with 8 years passing since its predecessor there would be some improvements.

There wasn't....

Within the first 5 minutes I was disappointed.  For a new game, load times are unacceptably long; taking 20 seconds or more regardless of your platform.  It's made worse by the periodic appearance of Uwe Boll (the Postal movie's producer) in a load screen extending his middle finger in your general direction.  While in character with the juvenile humor, the more time you spend with Postal 3 the more it seems as if this load screen is affirmation of being  on the receiving end of a bad joke.

This game has been panned across the breadth of the Internet and deservedly so.  The controls are horrific, the AI awful and the graphics only mildly updated from its 8 year old predecessor(think Half Life 2.) It's also buggy and prone to crashes at inopportune moments.  Even if you enable cheats (and you will) you soon find that being invincible and having access to any weapon in the game doesn't improve the experience much. 

In combat (which happens a lot) your choice of weapon is mostly irrelevant as you can be assured that at least half of your attacks will be in vain.  Coupled with an AI that's anything but intelligent and ambiguous mission objectives the game is more frustrating than challenging.  Accurate aim of any weapon is more a function of luck than skill with strange camera angles and a meaningless targeting crosshair.  For a game whose storyline is tightly woven into combat one would expect a better combat experience.  One might expect that but Postal 3 could care less about your expectations.



Speaking of the storyline, there are a few memorable one liners like, " I blame Glenn Beck" during a rampage against NPC's but aside from a few bright moments it falls flat. 

Postal Dude, as the character is known, seems to have a recurring problem with getting paid as he moves from one dismal job to the next.  His only compensation, a new weapon for his inventory which is usually inadequate to complete his task when combined with the poor combat controls.  That's pretty much the entirety of the storyline so don't expect any complex plot devices.

To be fair, I could easily have written this article 8 years ago about Postal 2's bad mechanics.  Nothing's really changed on that front.  What has changed is a linear storyline much like Modern Warfare instead of the freeform "checklist" of its predecessor.  There's also opportunity to play as either a good or evil character but in the context of the game the distinction is largely meaningless.  Your actions in the game  are judged and can affect the linear storyline but there's no great depth to it.  For example, I attempted to play the game as a "good" character but soon found myself on the "dark side" as the poor combat controls led the unintentional demise of innocents.

There is plenty of social commentary and as with all Postal games it is a reflection of the darker side of a supposedly civilized society.  From the porn store owner turned morally righteous mayor of Catharsis (the setting of Postal 3) to a police force using the homeless for target practice no moral tenet is left unsullied.  There's also no dearth of bathroom humor with examples numerous enough to delight any 12 year old.

As games go Postal 3 is certainly one of them.  While I always appreciated the irreverence of the series this latest installment seems completely unfocused and juvenile.  You always know what you're getting into with a Postal game but this one is like a Final Destination sequel.  You know what's going to happen but you really don't care.  As a friend of mine recently said of Postal 3, "That's the last time I buy a game without checking metacritic."

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