I admit it, Running with Scissors' previous installments of
the Postal series amused my inner 12 year old sociopath. Game mechanics were never a priority in the
series as basic functions like movement and combat were little more than
exercises in futility. Postal games are
popular for their context not their execution.
To play a Postal game is to revel in an assault on societal hypocrisy
and popular culture.
What made the series amusing were the seemingly endless one-liners
and not so subtle social commentary. Admittedly,
however, if you're the type who never misses an episode of the 700 club it's likely you wouldn't see
the humor.
So it was with this relatively low expectation that I took
advantage of a Steam sale and picked up the latest installment, Postal 3, for $19.99 or half of its
original December 2011 release price. I
knew the experience would be awash in juvenile humor and over to top violence. Still, I held out hope that with 8 years passing
since its predecessor there would be some improvements.
There wasn't....
Within the first 5 minutes I was disappointed. For a new game, load times are unacceptably
long; taking 20 seconds or more regardless of your platform. It's made worse by the periodic appearance of
Uwe Boll (the Postal movie's
producer) in a load screen extending his middle finger in your general
direction. While in character with the
juvenile humor, the more time you spend with Postal 3 the more it seems as if
this load screen is affirmation of being on the receiving end of a bad joke.
This game has been panned
across the breadth
of the Internet and deservedly so. The
controls are horrific, the AI awful and the graphics only mildly updated from
its 8 year old predecessor(think Half Life 2.) It's also buggy and prone to
crashes at inopportune moments. Even if
you enable cheats (and you will) you soon find that being invincible and having
access to any weapon in the game doesn't improve the experience much.
In combat (which happens a lot) your choice of weapon is
mostly irrelevant as you can be assured that at least half of your attacks will
be in vain. Coupled with an AI that's
anything but intelligent and ambiguous mission objectives the game is more
frustrating than challenging. Accurate
aim of any weapon is more a function of luck than skill with strange camera
angles and a meaningless targeting crosshair.
For a game whose storyline is tightly woven into combat one would expect
a better combat experience. One might
expect that but Postal 3 could care less about your expectations.
Speaking of the storyline, there are a few memorable one
liners like, " I blame Glenn Beck" during a rampage against NPC's but
aside from a few bright moments it falls flat.
Postal Dude, as
the character is known, seems to have a recurring problem with getting paid as
he moves from one dismal job to the next.
His only compensation, a new weapon for his inventory which is usually
inadequate to complete his task when combined with the poor combat controls. That's pretty much the entirety of the storyline
so don't expect any complex plot devices.
To be fair, I could easily have written this article 8 years
ago about Postal 2's bad mechanics.
Nothing's really changed on that front.
What has changed is a linear storyline much like Modern Warfare instead
of the freeform "checklist" of its predecessor. There's also opportunity to play as either a
good or evil character but in the context of the game the distinction is
largely meaningless. Your actions in the
game are judged and can affect the linear
storyline but there's no great depth to it.
For example, I attempted to play the game as a "good"
character but soon found myself on the "dark side" as the poor combat
controls led the unintentional demise of innocents.
There is plenty of social commentary and as with all Postal
games it is a reflection of the darker side of a supposedly civilized society. From the porn store owner turned morally
righteous mayor of Catharsis (the setting of Postal 3) to a police force using
the homeless for target practice no moral tenet is left unsullied. There's also no dearth of bathroom humor with
examples numerous enough to delight any 12 year old.
As games go Postal 3 is certainly one of them. While I always appreciated the irreverence of
the series this latest installment seems completely unfocused and juvenile. You always know what you're getting into with
a Postal game but this one is like a Final
Destination sequel. You know what's
going to happen but you really don't care.
As a friend of mine recently said of Postal 3, "That's the last
time I buy a game without checking metacritic."
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